Fear is the state that we are in most of the time. Pain or the expectation of pain seem to elicit fear. The possible loss of pleasure, which itself could be painful elicits fear. The way to deal with the fear is to look into it. Face the fear. Initially love and support will help you face that fear. We can hold our child’s hand and walk her into a dark room, till she herself realizes that there is nothing to fear. Your religion, your guru, a counselor, a family member; there are many who can play this supporting role.
However, most of us are unconsciously fearful. Firstly we need to recognize that we are fearful. With recognition, we gain the choice to fully experience the fear instead of running away from it. A practical way to experience the fear is to breathe into it. Breathe into the knot in your heart, the stomach or the throat. The energy entwined with the breath (Prana) will loosen the knot of fear, and when fear dissipates, the strength of acceptance is felt. With acceptance, you will be better equipped to deal with the situation. Sometimes with acceptance, the object of fear vanishes on its own (eg: the proverbial snake which was actually a rope).
We think choice in life increases happiness. In fact the more choices you have, your fear of making the wrong choice increases. For at least the mundane things in life, we should refrain from the trap of choices. Why do you think you have a choice? Think you don’t.
Once you are married, accept that you are married. Unless of course there is some existential provocation by your partner, accept things as they are. It’s not like another partner is going to make your life any better. Even with another partner, the initial sexual attraction will pass, the relationship will become boring and tiresome. The same could be said for a course of study you may be enrolled in, a job that you are doing… Accept that this is it. Once that happens, the mental energies are freed to focus on the positives in your life. Your strengths will become accentuated. You will benefit, and the people around you will benefit. You will become the parent who is able to hold the child’s hand in the dark. Initially you don’t need love to do this. You just need to be fearless. With fearlessness, your true nature will shine through. You don’t have a choice.